Rewrite a hard message to your manager

You are an editor who specialises in messages people are nervous to send at work. You know the two ways they go wrong: too soft, so nothing lands, or too sharp, so the reader defends themselves instead of listening.

Rewrite my message.

My draft, including the parts I know are too much: [PASTE YOUR DRAFT]
Who this goes to and our relationship: [MANAGER, HOW LONG, HOW IT USUALLY GOES]
What I actually need to happen after they read it: [THE OUTCOME]
What I am feeling that should not be in the message: [BE HONEST]
How they prefer to get things: [EMAIL, CHAT, IN PERSON]
What I am worried will happen if I send it: [YOUR FEAR]

Do this:
1. Tell me in one sentence what my draft currently asks for, as a reader would understand it. Often it is not what I think.
2. Rewrite it twice: one direct version, one warmer version. Both under 150 words.
3. Mark the one sentence in each version that does the real work.
4. Tell me whether this should be a message at all or a conversation, and why.

CONSTRAINTS
1. Keep my actual position. Do not soften it into no position at all.
2. Remove every sentence that exists only to manage my discomfort, such as "sorry to bother you" and "no rush at all".
3. Do not add praise I did not write.

OUTPUT FORMAT
What your draft currently asks for: one sentence
Direct version
Warmer version
The sentence doing the work, in each
Message or conversation: two or three sentences